by Karen Kinnaird | Jun 20, 2019
In light of the three considerations of calling,
season and context for ministers’ wives, which could be found here,
there are also some considerations to take into account.
Change is constant
Just when you think you’ve found your niche, it
may all change! The church is growing and changing, and we also grow and
change. Your season will change,
and the context of the church will change.
God often calls us to shift where we’re serving
to use us in different ways. Expect it! Oftentimes, in church plants and
growing churches, leaders need to be identified and developed. Train up leaders
then pass off responsibilities to them.
As the church grows, you’ll have to release some
responsibilities—you may like that idea, or you may not. Your role in a growing
church will change, and it’s important to be flexible. A former pastor of
mine jokingly talked about the Beatitude that Jesus forgot, “Blessed are the
flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.”
Marriage, family and
home are a priority
With the advances of women in leadership roles, this is very important.
Your husband and family are your primary
ministry. You are the only wife your minister-husband has and the only mother
your preacher kids have. I believe that the best thing you can do for your church
is to be a great wife to the pastor. The age-old wise advice of keeping
priorities still applies today– God, husband, children and then ministry and work!
In The Church
Planting Wife, Christine Hoover
wisely addresses church planting wives, but her advice applies to all:
“Being the helpmate to a church planter (minister)
does not mean that we are helpmates to the church. We are not married to the
church. We are not the pastors. We are not on staff. We are not on call for the
people of the church. We are not the catchall person for ministries or tasks
that need a leader. We are not the ones who meet every need or fulfill every
responsibility. Our attention goes first to our relationship with God and then
to our husbands, children, homes and then to ministry and work outside the
home…if we become a helpmate to the entire church, we will not be available
to our husbands and children—the people who need us most. Being the helpmate to
the church planter (minister) does not mean that we are as equally responsible
for the church’s success or well-being as our husbands… our burden should be
for the spiritual, physical and emotional health of our husband as he carries
the burden for the spiritual, physical and emotional health of the church.”
What are some things
your husband needs that only you can provide? Perhaps
listening as a confidential sounding board, providing a home that is a safe haven,
building rest and fun into the schedule, helping maintain health or providing intimacy?
Guard against exhaustion
Many ministry wives are
exhausted. In an attempt to not be selfish, we run the risk of neglecting to
take care of ourselves. While we are called to live sacrificially, the goal is
to finish our lives well.
Taking care of ourselves is like
stewarding our gifts. Guard against getting physically, emotionally and
spiritually depleted. It is wise to take a long-term view. Ministry is a
marathon not a sprint.
If exhausted, we run the risk
of discouragement, bitterness or burning out. Exhaustion makes us vulnerable to
temptation. Don’t let yourself get so busy or tired that you
can’t love people, listen and be present.
Can you sustain your current pace
and lifestyle for another five years? Ten? What are some things you can do to replenish?
Perhaps
guard your quiet time, cultivate
dependence on God, schedule some alone time for you and your husband and take
care of your health? Encourage your husband to take his day off and take your
vacation. Even if it’s a staycation, go visit other local churches.
In light of your
calling, context and season of life, how can you make the best contribution in
your church right now? Whatever it is,
“…work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You
are serving the Lord Christ” (Col. 3:23-24).
by Karen Kinnaird | Jun 19, 2019
“Megan Minister’s Wife”
sits on the front row of her church on Sunday morning, deep in thought. She
attempts to worship, yet she can’t help but reflect on her ambiguous role. In
spite of giving her all, she is painfully aware of the fact that she is not
measuring up to what is expected of her by the congregation and herself.
A minister’s wife finds herself in a unique position.
She’s not on staff, but she’s more than a lay person. She’s in leadership, but
she has no job description. She’s expected to be competent in a variety of areas
of ministry but often with no training. In addition, she must deal with her own
expectations and church members’ preconceived ideas of what a minister’s wife
should be and do.
There is a trend toward a new model for ministry
wives, especially in church planting circles. Compared to 30 years ago, there
is much more freedom for women to pursue their passions, take leadership positions and use their gifts, and many
churches are recognizing and embracing that. Women are pursuing seminary
degrees and taking theology and leadership courses. If handled Scripturally and with the proper balance, this adds
value to the church and their husbands’ ministries.
For centuries, ministers’ wives have had
role-related concerns. For years, I have searched for some sort of job
description, but it does not exist. There is no biblical model, and thank God
for it!
Christine Hoover with Grace Covers Me Ministry
speaks of some general principles that can be applied to each unique woman:
Calling, Season and Context. As they intersect, ministers’ wives can find
freedom to fulfill their unique role and contribution:
Calling
What are your spiritual
gifts, abilities and personality? What are you drawn to, and what do you like?
What do you see within your church that God has you there for? How do you bring
value to the ministry? What is the dream God has placed in you? Be yourself—not
someone else. You have the gifts you need to do the job God wants you to do.
Season
What season of life are
you in? What are the ages of your children? Are you caring for babies? If so,
your time will be limited, and that’s OK. You’re right where you need to be. Are
the kids in school? Do you homeschool? Are you employed? When do you have blocks
of time? All these factors will determine what you do and how much you can do. Remember,
seasons are just that—temporary.
Context
What is the current stage and setting of your church? What is your husband’s
position, and how can you support him? What does your church need from you within
the framework of your calling and season? What’s unique about the city or town
in which you live? What circumstances do you deal with in your family? In
nearly 35 years of ministry, my husband and I have served in three different
pastorates: a church plant in a suburb of New Orleans, a young church in
Stillwater, and a traditional church in Oklahoma City. Looking back, my service
aligned with my calling, season and context.
There is great freedom when you
give yourself permission to be you and rest in your calling, your context
and season of life. Don’t be miserable. If
you are miserable, your family and church will know it, and it will have a
negative effect on your husband.
When we’ve determined and accepted the calling,
context and season, it eliminates the temptation to compare ourselves to other
women or other churches. God has made you unique. Do not fall into the trap of
comparing yourself to others who have a different calling, contextand
season. We do ourselves a
disservice when we compare ourselves to each other.
Have you thought about your unique calling? What do you see within your church that God has you there for?
To be continued…
by Angela Sanders | May 30, 2019
Listen,
I love a good personality test as much or more than the next person.
Hello, my name is Angela
Sanders, orange, choleric, neutral good, type 2 4w, INFJ-T lion-otter combo
extraordinaire, otherwise known as Elsa, Yoda, Mr.Darcy, and/or the apostle Paul,
depending on which Buzzfeed quiz you happen to be referencing. Pleased to make
your acquaintance!
I’m concerned, however, that our culture’s interest in the identification, definition, and categorization of personality may have tripped over into an unhealthy obsession.
What’s the problem? For the Christian, here are a few:
1. Personality type can become an excuse. For inappropriate behavior. For refusal to grow and mature. For failure to consider others. The list goes on and on.
- “I’m a turbulent personality. Sometimes we lose it. That’s just how I am.”
- “I’m a two. We’re generous givers, so I don’t have to learn to manage my money.”
- “I’m an introvert. It’s hard for me to put myself out there to make others feel comfortable or loved, so they should come to me.”
2. Personality type can become a source of pride.
- “I’m choleric. Without me, the rest of you would be lost. I am the reason our team succeeds.”
- “I’m intuitive. I alone know what’s really going on here.”
- “My personality type is the most rare, making me pretty darn special.”
3. Personality typing can foster prejudice, discourage unity, and hinder individual and group growth.
- “He’s an otter through and through, all smiles, but no substance.”
- “They’re way too practical to be any fun. Don’t include them.”
- “She’s a melancholy personality. Of course, she’d detect a problem. Don’t listen to her.”
- “Who cares if we accomplish anything? We birds of a feather are having fun!”
Although
it’s definitely a good thing to notice and appreciate the way God made you so
you can praise Him for His creativity and wisdom, take inventory of your gifts
and strengths so you can put them to work for the advancement of His Kingdom,
and make a list of your weaknesses so you can make a conscious effort to
overcome them by the power of His Holy Spirit, those of us who belong to God as
a result of our faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ are called to do more than
become polished versions of our imperfect selves.
We
are called to submission, obedience, and transformation into the image of Jesus
Himself by the power of the Holy Spirit so others may find salvation in Him and
join us in glorifying the Father who deserves nothing less from us than the kind
of good only He can bring about.
Narcissism,
bad behavior, sour attitudes, immaturity, selfishness, pride, divisiveness,
apathy: these are counter-productive at best.
So,
go ahead. Take a quick look in the
mirror, but just long enough to get yourself situated on the altar of living
sacrifice (Rom. 12:1).
Remember,
we worship the Creator, not His creation (Matt. 4:10). Only let your gaze linger on Him.
by Hannah Hanzel | May 8, 2019
Dear Jonathan,
It took me a while, as a
five-year-old, to wrap my head around not being the baby of the family once
mom’s pregnancy with you was announced. I didn’t know what to expect, except
that I would have to share the family’s attention with you. I thought to myself,
Well, if we’re going to have another
sibling, it better be a girl. Mom said your name would be Esther. So, I
thought about Esther.
I thought about her and me, along
with our older sister, playing Barbies, sharing clothes, and overpowering our
big brothers in arguments. I laughed at the idea of the girls outnumbering the
boys in the family. I smiled at the notion of getting to show my little sister
the ropes, as my big sister did before me. I prayed for a sister.
But as our patience stretched, not
unlike mama’s pregnant tummy, we learned you would be a baby boy. Mom said your
name would be Jonathan. So, I thought about Jonathan. I pouted as I thought
about the memories we could’ve made as the Three Hanzel Sister Amigas. I
thought about the way I could’ve taught you to braid your Barbies’ hair or how
to get you to ask dad for things in an irresistible manner… as is the baby
girl’s duty.
How could I, at just five years old,
have known the memories we would make? How could I have known about the
precious hand-holding as you toddled? How could I have known about the stories
we would create between your Star Wars action figures and my Polly Pockets? I
didn’t even have a clue that you would have my dimples and we would laugh
incessantly together. I didn’t foresee you becoming one of my best friends… but
you have. I’m grateful the Lord didn’t give me that for which I prayed.
Little brother, as you graduate
high school this month, I want you to know a few things:
You are weak. Not what you were expecting to hear? Hang in there.
You have weaknesses, fewer than I, but nevertheless, you have weaknesses. Press
into those weaknesses, because it is there that you discover God’s strength.
J.D. Greear once said, “If dependence is the goal, then weakness is the
advantage.” Don’t grow weary from roadblocks or difficulties, because they are
all opportunities for you to reflect God’s goodness and strength to others.
Depend on Him, little brother, and you will be the strongest man on earth.
You are valuable. When you go to college, people will try to
project truths and personas onto you. They’ll tell you that you’re the guy who
illustrates exceedingly well, or you’re the guy who has a lot of YouTube followers.
They’ll make your interests into your value, and that is simply untrue. Your
value is in Christ alone. This is an important truth because your interests
will change, but Christ will not. Place your value in that which is unmovable.
You are a gentleman. There are a lot of girls out there, bub
(except at the college you picked…). You are not responsible for how they treat
people or how they pursue relationships. You are only capable of controlling
your own desires and actions. Gentlemen open doors for ladies. Gentlemen treat
ladies like ladies… even when they don’t act like ladies. Gentlemen don’t get
swept away in inappropriate behavior or speech, but are sensitive to the
conviction of the Holy Spirit. Gentlemen uphold chivalry as a sign of value equality
and mutual respect. Gentlemen do not get consumed with pornography, but seek
the good of all and the glory of God. Gentlemen accept the forgiveness of God
and, in response, don the full armor of God. You are a gentleman, my baby
brother.
You go with God and you go with the
Hanzel Tribe name as you enter college and this new season of life. Remember
who you are, and remember Whose you are.
P.S. I’m glad you were a boy!
by Caleb Moore | Apr 23, 2019
I can’t
believe I’m writing this. This policy idea is totally counter to the way I
think things should work. At the same time, I can see how some think a case
could be made for it.
What issue am I talking
about? It’s the recent plan by Democratic presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren
to forgive college student debt in America.
Her latest proposal is to
have the government pay off up to $50,000 dollars of student debt. Now, before
I get into what the Bible says about debt, it is fair to say that the
government cannot technically pay off anything. It has no resources to sell, so
it can only use the money given in order to buy or pay off debt.
That being said, I think we
can set aside the specific proposal about student loan debt, and think about
the larger issue of debt, in general, and what the Bible has to say about it.
It’s almost impossible to
live without debt today. We have mortgages and car loans that seem to be just a
normal part of life. I personally don’t think a home mortgage is sinful, but we
do need to wrestle with verses like Rom. 13:8 which says, “Let no
debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love on another.”
Although this verse does not outright declare all debt bad, the Book of Proverbs does tell us that debt is a form of slavery. Prov. 22:7 says, “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.” So we can see that the Bible does not speak highly of debt. Yet it also tells us how we should behave when we loan people money.
Matt. 5:22 speaks on this subject and reads, “Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.” Also there is this incredible verse from Prov. 28:8 which states, “Whoever increases wealth by taking interest or profit from the poor amasses it for another, who will be kind to the poor.” This states that those who make money off of high interest loans that keep people poor will lose their money, and it will be given back to the poor.
There are countless other verses that talk about how we should deal with this subject. We are told we should be generous and loan without expecting anything in return. However, these are not the main place to make our argument for loan forgiveness. For that we would need to turn to the Old Testament.
In Leviticus 25-26 God describes what can be called a total economic restart every seven years. All debt was to be forgiven. Every 49 years was the year of Jubilee when all debt was forgiven, and the land was allowed to reset itself as well. In both cases, debt forgiveness was foundational to the societal structure. .
It’s hard to simply
take this idea and graft it into our modern society. The Jewish people knew
that every seven years their debt would be forgiven, so loans had limits.
For example, if you borrowed to buy some land, a portion of your crops would be given to the loaner for seven years at a rate that was sufficient to pay off that loan in that amount of time. This meant that the borrower would celebrate the debt cancelation but not because they got away with free money, but because they had faithfully paid off their debt. These restrictions kept people from giving out loans that had payments spread out over a long period of time.
The number of years you can stretch out the life of your car and home loan continues to increase. This means you are likely to be upside down in your loan especially when it comes to a vehicle. Yes, you might not be able to buy as nice of a house or drive the newest car if you went with a shorter term, but you would not be a slave to your lender. If you have ever had to spend years paying off a student loan or credit card debt, you know the weight and stress that comes with it. God does not want us to carry such unnecessary burdens.
I think the Bible makes a good argument for debt forgiveness, but it also makes a strong case for loan limitations. The burden may be on the person who took out the loan, but the guilt is also on the one who makes money off the ignorance and desperation of others.
If you have a child
who is about to enter into college, allow me to make a suggestion that could
save you in the long run. Community colleges are a great place of learning and
are a fraction of the cost of major universities.
Begin to teach your
children about finances long before they enter into college and educate them on
the other possibilities such as a trade school or online degree programs. Not
only will they get a good education but they will also be free of the yoke of debt
that is crushing so many people right now.
by Brian Hobbs | Apr 17, 2019
If
your family is anything like mine, your children are counting down the days
until summer break. With visions of swimming, summer trips and sleeping in, my
children simply cannot wait until that final school bell rings.
According
to a new study, though, the main activity for most kids this summer will be
time spent, not at the swimming pool, but staring at a screen.
A new
study reported on by CBS News said “Kids
and teens age 8 to 18 spend an average of more than seven hours a day looking
at screens.”
From
viewing YouTube videos to playing video games, all this screen time adds up to habits
that are anything but healthy. The American Heart Association went so far as to
issue a “new warning” about the phenomenon, recommending that “parents limit
screen time for kids to a maximum of just two hours per day.”
I
will be the first to admit, that’s easier said than done, especially as the
summer days turn to blazing hot temperatures outside. At the same time, each of
us can probably do better in trying to limit screen time than we now are, with
simply some intentional effort.
To
that end, here are some ideas we are considering that you may also want to
consider, not just for your kids, but for yourself, to limit screen time:
- Go outside
and enjoy nature
- Read a book (on paper!)
- Take part in church events like VBS or camps
- Exercise or participate in sports
- Visit or phone a friend
- Go play outside
- Do yardwork
- Help a neighbor with yardwork
- Volunteer at a local ministry
- Take a family trip, even locally
These are just a few ideas. So this summer,
when you or your kids feel bored, instead of playing games on a screen, we can try
to redeem the times with something positive, something besides screen time.
Who knows? These alternatives to screen time might
be more satisfying this summer than games on phones.