Expecting the Unexpected: Miscarriage
A wild wind whistled at the windows blowing in the rain on the night I lost my baby.
I didn’t feel any different. I was tired and happy and thinking about Charlotte for a girl and Jonathan for a boy.
Then I used the bathroom before bed.
Red. Stop sign red, danger zone red, end of dreams red.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
We’d only known for 48 hours, but it was enough time for the female mind to choose a name, a preferred gender, and mentally rearrange the kids’ bedrooms to free up the crib.
The next day, it rained. All day. We had a plumbing problem and my brother-in-law came to fix it. I made calls, cleaned house, mailed a letter, prepared food, while the rueful rain fell and my baby left my body.
During the boys’ nap times, I lit a candle, thought of the little one that might have been, but wasn’t. The weather empathized with me; we grieved together.
And through it all, peace.
Peace in knowing He is good, His plans for me are right, and His grace is abundant.
In every trial, every valley deeper and darker than before, He gives greater grace, always.
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
God bless you for your deep faith and hope in Him alone. I can’t say I was there when I lost my babies…but I got there. Blessings!
Thank you Elise. So many women have been through miscarriages under much more severe circumstances. With three little blessings already, and such an early one, mine was pretty mild. Blessings to you, too.
Dearest Ashley, My children have lost three babies in the last year and a half. All late term one was born and breathed and lived for a time the other two were born to Jesus arms. So many were blessed by watching my youngest boy and his wife go through this in the grace and love that only Jesus can supply not once but twice. One son and his wife have not faired so well. I grieve for your loss and rejoice that you will again be reunited with your baby. Thank you for sharing not just for the other mama’s and daddy’s but for those of us who are grandma’s too! I pray blessings for you and your family!
Gerri, such trials, such loss. I pray comfort for them all.
Mine was lost at 4 1/2 months of pregnancy. It was unplanned, and I had just come to the point of looking forward to having a fourth child, then it died. I had to have it removed. I did not ask the doctor which sex it was, though my daughter had said “that’s my baby sister in there”. It has now been 32 years. It still hurts, but most of the time I don’t think about it anymore. I wish I knew whether I have a son or daughter in Heaven.