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  1. Be sporadic and irregular in your attendance on Sundays.
  2. Just show up. Don’t serve or volunteer. Don’t make any sacrifices of your time, talent and treasure.
  3. Refuse to get involved in a Community Group (small group, life group, etc). Put the burden of building relationships on everyone else.
  4. Place unrealistic expectations on the pastor and his wife. Pretend as if you are the only person attending the church.
  5. Never bring friends or non-Christians to a Sunday morning gathering.
  6. Never open up or communicate with the leadership of the church on areas of disagreement or frustration. Bottle it all up and continue to grow in your irritation towards the leadership.
  7. Do the extreme opposite of #6. Nitpick every decision made and every direction taken. Whenever you have a minor disagreement or different opinion, make it a deal-breaker and blow it out of proportion.
  8. Talk negatively about the leadership of the church behind their back. Tell your frustrations to as many people as possible without letting them hear any of it.
  9. Don’t do what the Bible says. Ever. When the church tries to call you to repentance for specific areas of sin, blow it off and stop showing up.
  10. Leave the church when your personal agenda(s) or hobby-horses aren’t pursued by the pastor. When you do leave, be sure to not tell anyone. If asked why you left, say something like, “God called me to go to ___________(new church name here)”.