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A month ago I was so excited about throwing my boyfriend the best surprise party ever! Or at least I thought it was going to be a surprise…for him. It ended up being a surprise for me. He had known all along about the party and used it to propose to me. I was so surprised and excited! We are still so excited amid all the planning!

But this post isn’t to tell my proposal story, no matter how much I love it.

Without boring you with all my life details, to say my life is crazy right now would be an understatement. And the actual planning of the wedding may be the less stressful part of it all. No one told me planning for a home and a life afterwards would be the most stressful part. No one told me all the social pressure would drive me right over the crazy ledge. Or that Pinterest would become my sworn enemy.

I have a wonderful fiancé who has been so involved with everything that the burden of planning is eased and shared. That is not what has me pulling my hair out. In fact, it’s all the social expectation that has me stressed. It’s the limitless questions. “What color will your home be?” “Where are you living?” “When will you have kids?” “Now make sure you are keeping track of everything.” “Now don’t forget (fill in the blank).” “Why are you not stressed when your wedding is four months away?”

The wedding is an event to make memorable the commitments that we are making. That is all. We are doing the things that we like and that mean something to us, and the rest we are lovingly and gently placing aside.

The pressure to be perfect is what is so stressful. There I said it. I feel pressure to be perfect. To have a Pinterest perfect wedding and home and life. I feel the weight of expectations and social norms and the pressure to be over the top creative. In reality, I just hope the ones we love and who love us can come and enjoy themselves and rejoice with us in the blessing we have in each other.

As a culture we make fun of (and are entertained) by the “bridezilla.” In reality we are the ones who created her. Like a modern day, white organza-covered Frankenstein we have poked and prodded her with idea after idea, and pressure after pressure. We have given her the expectation of both keeping a calm head and being all in control. Brides are to know exactly what they want and be confident in that but also not be too pushy or demanding. It is a lose-lose situation.

Now please do not hear me saying that I am not enjoying this part of our life together. We are so excited, and with each set of linens that we pick out it becomes all the more real in our hearts and minds. I love that. We are so excited about what God has in store for us and the walk of faith that He is taking us through.

I say all of this to simply act as a reminder. Do not forget that there is more happening in an engaged couples’ life then the EVENT of their marriage. They are looking at a huge life transition and a huge commitment ahead of them.

So if you are the bride or groom to-be remember: you do not need to be perfect, and your wedding does not need to be perfect. It will not be perfect. Marriage is one of the greatest mysteries that God lets us experience. It is to be a symbol and an example of God’s relationship to the church. And though earthly marriages are less than perfect I am so thankful that God has given humanity this as a sample of the relationship to come. This is all about the godly commitment that you are making to each other.

Also, remember that people mean well. They are excited to
help and to join in with you on this special day…but you do not need to please every desire of their hearts.

If you are a friend of the bride or groom remember that they have other things going on in their life than the color of napkins or the centerpieces. Walk gently with them as they wrestle with all the decorating details but also as they wrestle with what it means to join as one with another human being.

For me, I am trying to enjoy every little bit and to take good care of myself and my relationship with my fiancé. I am trying to do the things that matter most.