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Posted by on Jan 19, 2015 in Life |

To The Better Version of Me: A Letter

To The Better Version of Me: A Letter

To the Better Version of Me,

I know it may seem strange that I’m writing to you.  I’ve never met you, but I think about you a lot.  If I’m going to be honest, you have been both a tremendous inspiration to me as well as the most strangling albatross.  You keep me awake at night. You frustrate me. At the same time, the mere idea of you is a comfort to me.

That being said, I would like to touch base with you on a few things.  First of all, congratulations on finally losing that extra 15 pounds I’ve been carrying around.  I don’t know how you did it, but you look great.

That’s one thing I admire about you.  You’re so disciplined.  I have tried and tried to be disciplined but I’m not very disciplined at it.  What was it that finally made you get there?  Was it something you got, an event, a tragedy, a book?  I keep reading, buying, and looking for opportunities (honestly I’d prefer not to go through the tragedy) but nothing is making it click.  I’d love to know your secret.

I think if she knew you, our wife would like you better than me.  The same for our son.  Not that they don’t like me, I just don’t know where you found that level of balance to make the home feel centered.  I struggle to keep it on course.  You make it seem so effortless. I feel like I’m gone too much.  I fear I don’t do enough with them – that I don’t lead them fully in the way God wants me to.  I know what I’m doing is a start, but honestly when I was younger, I thought my home would look a lot more like yours.  God knows I’m trying.

It’s not easy trying to be you.  I suppose the funny thing is even if I somehow am able to become you, I would still want more.  I wonder – are you writing this letter to a better version of you?  Are you as obsessed with the thought of the better version of yourself as I am?

I really don’t know what to say to you beyond the fact that I appreciate you.  The fact that you finally turned my “I wish” list into your daily task list is inspiring.  Well done.

Sadly, you don’t exist.

I would love it if you did.  I’d love to see your impact on our family, our church, and our community.

I wonder…if I finally set my alarm and woke up earlier, exercised more, prayed more, read more, actually stepped out into those conversations I avoid more, if I finally got that break, if I poured more in and gave more out, would I finally start measuring up to you or would I just be a more busy version of the over-busy version of myself that I am?

I’m also glad that somehow, despite how much I wish I was like you, I know God doesn’t love me any less because I’m not you.  Don’t get me wrong, you probably have a deeper understanding of God, a closer relationship with him, and probably a greater understanding of what it means to love and be loved by God.  I want that.  I really do.

Still, He didn’t save me just so that I could become like you.  He saved me so that I could become like Jesus.

Honestly I think I focus more on becoming like you than like Him.  I’ll bet you don’t have that problem.

I’m sure you would probably say something humble and self-effacing like how you’re still a work in progress and you’re not perfect…blah blah blah.  That’s what I both love and hate about you.  Still, I’m thankful for the way God uses you to push me forward.

I hope to see you soon,


About The Author

Ryan Smith

Ryan is associate pastor at Eagle Heights Baptist Church in Stillwater, Oklahoma. He is the author of Not That God.

Ryan Smith has blogged 121 posts at

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