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This morning I wandered around sleepily looking for my cell phone. After five minutes, I gave up, made a cup of coffee, and opened up my computer instead. A Facebook message awaited me from Tim, reminding me I have nursery duty and informing me that my phone was on his car this morning when he drove to church. When he stopped for coffee at McDonald’s, the lady in the drive-through told him there was a phone on his hood.

Only me.

Twice this year, I have accidentally taken two sets of keys to school (30 minutes away), leaving Tim with no sets of keys at home. Right now, a pile of clean folded clothes is towering precariously on my dresser, along with miscellaneous jewelry, a stack of books, a pencil, a tube of diaper cream, and a random article of makeup. Next to the dresser is a laundry basket filled with random stuff of mine that has no place. In the bathroom, my cosmetics are strewn half-hazardly across my half of the sink and continually leak over to his side, at which point he will simply sweep them into a pile in my sink. My side of the closet?  Nightmare before Christmas because that is probably how long it will take for me to get it in order.

Yesterday, we had the privilege to witness one of the sweetest weddings I have ever seen. The moment when the bride walked down the aisle to her groom, both of them teary-eyed, pierced me, and I had to look away because I felt like I was eavesdropping on a private moment.  And yet, I wanted to do it all again. Ten years married, and I suddenly wanted the whole wedding ceremony again for us. Because now I know how much sacrifice Tim would make for me, and I for him. Now I know, as I never could have known before, how Tim would love me like Christ loved the church. Oh the church with all its messiness, its petty squabbles and imperfect members. And me with all my mess, literal and figurative.

In our wedding, when the door opened and I advanced down the aisle, I looked first at our guests. This was out of consideration because many people had traveled to be there with us, and I wanted to acknowledge them. But if I could do it again, my eyes would be only for my groom and his perfecting love, love that helps me grow into who I’m meant to be.

In spite of my messiness, Tim knows that I have much beauty and love to offer the world. He sees beyond my faults. He tells me I make his life brighter and better and I believe him.  The wonder of marriage is the way we each transform to fit more closely together, one unit.  What God has joined together, let no man separate.

Still, it is hard to be Tim some days.  Give the man some snacks if you see him, people.