Gotta admit, folks, I’m not feeling very Easter-y right now, and it’s frustrating because I was in a really good place just a few hours ago. At least by my estimation.
Not anymore! Someone got my goat.
Now, not only do I feel less than encouraged, but I’m having trouble even reading my Bible or praying. I need to forgive, and, truth be told, I don’t want to. Honestly? I feel justified in my anger, and self-righteousness has settled itself in the pit of my stomach like a serpent’s nest.
Of course, when I was younger, I would ride a good mad like this one until it was played out, but experience has taught me this: Anything I might gain by holding a grudge pales in comparison to what the Kingdom will gain if I submit to God and let Him do what only He can, thereby proving the Gospel true and His Holy Spirit, only present in my life as a result of my faith in Jesus’ death and resurrection, powerful to transform.
So what do I do?
I suck it up and, earbuds in, let the beauty created by my brothers and sisters in their more spiritual moments calm my heart as the Holy Spirit works on me. Sort of meaning it and trusting Him to meet me more than halfway because He’s good like that, I ask God to soften my heart and change my perspective. Ever faithful, He does.
Three chords into my favorite song, He turns my attention to the cross. Freedom. Jesus died for this. Mine and theirs.
Two songs later, He indicates the empty tomb, and my defenses begin to crumble. Life. God raised Jesus for this, not only so we could enjoy eternal life in Heaven someday, but also so we could live empowered, victorious lives now.
With authority, the Master speaks my name, and I am undone. It’s time to obey.
Like Lazarus, I put one fleshy foot in front of the other and rely on His power to do what must be done, release the debt. Far smaller than the sum of my own, the slight thing bobs and dips on the swells of His grace before slipping from sight all together.
Long moments later, I’m still not feeling particularly Easter-y, but that’s okay. I don’t need to feel redeemed, just prove to those watching I am.