by Angela Sanders | Jul 15, 2015
Chatter, laughter, singing, shouting, the scrape-crunch of shoes on gravel, these are the melody and rhythm of camp. As familiar as my own reflection, they wake me up in the morning, keep me company all afternoon, and usher me into the twilight hours of every day spent at Falls Creek. I’m not exactly oblivious to it all, but it does take more than a “Marco-Polo” exchange or poorly sung Red Robin jingle to break through my consciousness by the time that sixth week rolls around.
That “more” happened today. I was half asleep, fingers resting on my keyboard, when a girl outside screamed, “MOVE!”
A large engine roared. Brakes squealed.
Someone else screamed “MOVE!”
Curious, I leaned back to look outside.
Wobbling my direction wearing shoes not made for camp, a young lady held everyone’s attention, but not for the reason she thought. Proud of her morning primp job, she welcomed the stares of smiling onlookers, either unaware of the fact that she was all alone in the middle of a street normally crowded with pedestrians or glad of it. Either way, caught up in her own glory, she failed to notice the big box truck bearing down on her.
Let me interject here and assure you that the girl was never really in danger. The speed limit through camp is 10 miles per hour, and pedestrians have right of way, no matter how long vehicles must wait for them to move. Every adult in camp knows this. Campers, on the other hand, do not.
“Brittany, MOVE!” a girl only slightly less made up than her center-stage friend called out from the shoulder of the road. Eyes big with concern, she walked parallel along the stone wall lining the street. Behind her, another girl shuffled dutifully, nursing an Icee and shaking her head.
Ignoring the warning, Brittany lifted a carefully curled mass of hair over one shoulder to better display her curling wand skills and smiled like a pageant queen even as she struggled to keep her balance.
“Britt, you’re such an idiot!” Icee girl called, rolling her eyes and taking another sip of Icee.
Still unaware of the “danger,” Britt responded to the insult in kind, almost losing her balance in the process. Far less concerned about Brittany’s welfare than the girl barking orders, Icee girl gave up and planted her backside on the stone wall with spectators, many of whom were enjoying a good laugh at Brittany’s expense at this point.
Big Eyes repeated, “MOVE!” but gave no further explanation or instruction. A few seconds later, she added “You’re gonna die!” with dramatic flair.
Confused and irritated, Brittany shrugged, palms to the sky.
It was too painful to watch. Just as I stood to go to the door, a lineman of a kid bellowed the obvious. “Hey! There’s a truck behind you!”
Startled, Brittany turned to verify, let out a squeal, and scurried Bambi style to the side of the road where she tried her best to blend in. The box truck passed, kids filled the street, and someone called out, “Marco!”
In light of recent events, this story has much to teach us.
Christians, I know the temptation to panic is strong right now, not because you don’t believe that God is in control anymore or that Jesus still has the power to save, but because the sky is growing dark. A spiritual storm is brewing and you sense time is running out.
Eternity is bearing down on us, and there are souls still standing in harm’s way. I get it, and I commend you for your passion and desire to see the lost come safely to Christ, but let me encourage you not to let your emotions get the best of you. Let’s keep our heads and go about things the right way.
Don’t bark orders. Don’t call names. Don’t make threats.
Don’t give way to fear, impatience, or disgust, or you will alienate the very people you want desperately to rescue. Instead, state the Truth of God’s Word plainly, get out of the way, and let the Holy Spirit do His work (John 6:44-45). They will either put their faith in Jesus or they won’t, but you can’t force them to safety, no matter how badly you may want to.
Non-Christians, I know that my brothers and sisters and I don’t always go about things the right way—in fact, being the works in progress that we are, we make some pretty stupid mistakes sometimes—but I hope you realize deep down that we really do care about you and that, ultimately, we do and say what we do and say because we don’t want to see you destroyed by the Enemy.
Regrettably, in our effort to spare you hurt, we often end up hurting you ourselves. I’m sorry for that. Believe me when I tell you that we get just as angry and frustrated with ourselves as you do and wish with all of our hearts that we were better representations of Jesus Christ. Someday, we will be, but, for now, you’re stuck with us, passionate, well-meaning, speak-before-we-think-sometimes us.
Here’s the truth we are trying to convey. God knows and understands you better than we do, better than you do yourself (Psalm 103:13, Psalm 139), and He loves you dearly in spite of the sin that is holding you captive (John 3:16). He doesn’t want you to be destroyed (2 Peter 3:9), so He sent His Son Jesus to ransom you from the Enemy (Romans 6:23).
Salvation from your sin and eternal security is free and available to you through the blood of Jesus Christ if you will accept it by surrendering your life to Him in obedience (Romans 10:9-13). If you take God up on His offer, He will adopt you as His child forever (2 Corinthians 6:18) and make you new from the inside out (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Not so sure about all this? I understand. I’m sure it sounds a little far-fetched if you didn’t grow up hearing it and watching it lived out, so I invite you to read the Gospel of John for yourself and verify what I’ve said. In fact, I beg you to do so and soon. Eternity is bearing down on us, my friend. Without Jesus, the danger is real!
by Angela Sanders | Jul 1, 2015
I’m a little sore this morning!
You see, I try to walk a 5K every other day or so to burn off the desserts and bread I never intend to eat, but always do, and my normal workout jam is Phillip Phillips or Caedmon’s Call, music that is upbeat enough to keep me moving, but mellow enough to let me think as I walk. That’s important because I usually head out to walk when I’ve reached a roadblock in whatever it is I’m writing.
Well, last night, I didn’t have any writing kinks to work out, so I went with Switchfoot instead. Ten minutes into my walk, I felt great. I was humming, sweating, smiling, and pumping my arms like a speed walker. Feeling invincible thanks to my new soundtrack, I didn’t even bother to slow down at the steep hill that has caused me knee problems in the past.
Big mistake! I ended up tweaking a muscle and half-hobbling the rest of my route to work it out, laughing at myself all the way. Apparently, what I listen to has a greater impact on me than I thought.
Thankfully, other than feeling a little sore from my walk, I woke up feeling rested, encouraged, and optimistic this morning after having spent a really great Sunday with my church family. Truth was spoken, prayers were offered, hugs were given, and love was shared all around. As my family and I are heading into our seventh week of camp, the boost was exactly what I needed to keep pace to the end. I smiled to myself at the memory.
Then I opened Facebook.
Within minutes, my mood was altered. Disappointment, frustration, sadness, and panic set in, the lightness of heart that I had just thanked God for disappearing as my mind processed a dozen new thoughts at once. I should have closed out the app, but I didn’t. Instead, I kept scrolling, searching for an encouraging word, a funny anecdote, a cute video, anything to sweeten the bitterness I had just swallowed. I found a few, but they were sugar cubes in a gallon bucket of bile. Ten minutes later, I closed the app, knowing I had let the Thief in and been robbed (John 10:10).
It’s my own fault, you know. I am the one who threw the doors of my heart and mind open wide. I’m the one who asked anyone and everyone, “What should I think about today?”
Scripture says this:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
In light of this command, I plan to take the following action steps and establish boundaries for myself where social media is concerned. If you process every word you read and internalize the emotions of others as deeply as I do, you may want to consider doing the same.
- Spend time in the Word and in prayer and communicate intentionally with someone (face to face or by phone, text, or email) before opening social media each day.
- Refrain from opening social media when I’m already feeling down, anxious, frustrated, or angry.
- Scroll past links with caustic, accusatory, or manipulative titles (i.e. clickbait).
- Unfollow people who consistently post inflammatory remarks or comments, inappropriate photos or updates, or links to articles I would not read for the reasons listed above.
- Stop reading comment threads at the point they turn into street fights and stop reading status updates and articles when emotion and agenda override logic and wisdom.
- Use social media intentionally rather than letting it use me.
- Set a timer for myself so that I don’t get sucked down the rabbit hole.
Yes, I realize that there is a big “discussion” going on about everything under the sun and that followers of Christ have a responsibility to interject Truth, but we also have a responsibility to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). To be effective in these last days, Christians need cool heads and clear minds (1 Peter 4:7), and soundtrack is everything.
by Angela Sanders | Jun 15, 2015
These days, it seems everyone is eager to put their two cents in. The pull and pressure to join the conversation is particularly strong for those of us who live by the pen. If we aren’t careful, deadlines, daily social media quotas, and the strong speech of others can bully us into writing and posting things that we otherwise wouldn’t and probably shouldn’t.
Scripture says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph. 4:29).
To my Christian friends who also happen to be bloggers, understand that our responsibility to present all aspects of the Gospel clearly, build up the Body, and promote unity among our brothers and sisters in Christ far outweighs any obligation we may have, real or imagined, to produce and publish words or express an opinion.
This being true, here is a simple checklist that you can use to hold yourself accountable when posting original content, responding to comments on that content, and offering feedback on the original content of others.
The first three have to do with the content itself.
1. Is it true and accurate? (Prov. 6:16-19, Ex. 20:16, 2 Tim. 2:15)
2. Is it kind and compassionate? (Eph. 4:32, Phil. 2:3)
3. Is it necessary and helpful? (Prov. 10:19, Prov. 17:28, Eph. 4:29)
The last two have to do with motive, something far more difficult to measure. As Paul says in 1 Cor. 4:4, “My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.” You may need to pray through these two questions and/or seek the wise counsel of Christians who aren’t interested in telling you what you want to hear in order to find honest answers.
4. Am I seeking God’s glory or my own? (Col. 3:17, Gal. 1:10)
5. Am I promoting peace or picking a fight? (Rom. 12:18, Prov. 6:16-19, Prov. 20:3, 2 Tim. 2:23-26, Matt. 18:15, Rom. 7:7 with Gal. 3:24)
Typing with Jesus’ name tag on is an intimidating task to undertake, and those of us who do so make mistakes sometimes. When it happens, we wish we could somehow reach out into the blogosphere, take back our words, and settle our stomachs, but the scary truth is a work or comment posted is a wild thing, heedless of our wishes, careless of our regrets, and, to some degree, beyond our control.
So, before you post, take my advice. When in doubt, leave it out, whether “it” be a word, a paragraph, or an entire post that took you six or more hours to write.
At the very least, wait (Proverbs 19:2). For the sake of the Body and your own sake, give your thoughts time to process, your emotions time to settle, and the Holy Spirit time to convict, correct, and guide you in the right course of action and manner of speech. Remember, “…of the abundance of the heart [the] mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45)—and fingers type!—and people who know so are reading your words.
by Angela Sanders | May 18, 2015
I am a minister’s wife. I have the scars to prove it, but my children don’t. Not because they didn’t see. Not because they didn’t hear. Not because we lied to them. We didn’t.
Our children came through an Enemy attack on their family at the hands of church members with their optimism, faith, and desire to serve the Body in tact because a few who had successfully waded through the murky waters of vocational ministry ahead of us were selfless enough to come back for their parents, take us by the hand, and teach us to survive and thrive in spite of the challenges inherent in our calling.
Following are the words of wisdom that we found to be the most valuable. The first few have to do with seeing your circumstances for what they are and are not and keeping your head on straight.
- Expect trials. Whether you are serving God well in humble obedience or have misused the authority given you and/or wronged others, if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you will face difficulties in your life and challenges in your ministry. Jesus said so, so don’t be surprised when it actually happens. Whether the trials that you experience are the loving discipline of your Heavenly Father prompted by your own misdeeds and poor choices or the unearned consequences of someone else’s actions allowed by God for your refinement, face your trials head-on with sincere appreciation for the opportunity they afford you to grow closer to God and emerge a more mature believer with wisdom to impart, trusting God to work all things together for your good and His glory.
- Identify the real Enemy. When human eyes throw you daggers and human lips form words that burn you to the core, it’s easy to forget that the real enemy is Satan. He wears people like gloves. He employs them like suicide bombers, using them until there is nothing left and then casting them aside to deal with the consequences of their actions. Work to keep this perspective when dealing with those who try to make life difficult for you. Remember, as long as you remain in the center of God’s will, you are not the victim; those who oppose you are. Don’t become a victim by responding in kind; remain above reproach.
- Don’t show favoritism. It’s tempting to huddle up with a trusted few when you are hurting and don’t know where the next arrow will fly from. Resist the temptation and show equal love, grace, and mercy to everyone, even those who oppose you—especially to those who oppose you. It’s very difficult for a person to make a case against you or draft an army to fight you when all that anyone sees from you, all that they experience when with you, is unconditional, unbiased love.
- Forgive. Forgiveness is really not as difficult as we make it sometimes. It is a conscious choice to forgive a debt that has nothing to do with emotion. It is acting as if and believing that the person who hurt you no longer owes you anything for what they’ve done whether or not they ever ask for your forgiveness and whether or not they even know or care that they have received it. Spare yourself the pain of a grudge. Free yourself by forgiving immediately—even before you are asked—and give God room to work on your behalf.
The rest of the advice we received has to do with coaching your children through the trials you face as a family.
- Be honest. If you are hurting, say so. Your children know anyway. Your lying about it will just make them worry and feel left out. Don’t name any names unless absolutely necessary, and speak in euphemisms that are age appropriate if you must. Tell your child what is going on and how you feel about it when you are able to do so without losing your cool, but don’t leave it there. Tell them the whole truth so that they can learn from your experience. Talk to them about trials, their inevitability, and what we can learn from them. Explain the difference between people who hurt us and the real Enemy. Talk them through the meaning of and demonstrate genuine love and forgiveness without showing favoritism. Not only will they learn valuable lessons ahead of their peers, but the accountability that discussing these things openly with your children affords you will help you stay focused as you deal with unpleasant circumstances. Own up to your own mistakes, and let your children know when you have move past a particular circumstance so they aren’t left behind.
- Be careful. It’s a good thing to keep your children informed; it’s a bad thing to overload them with your problems. Avoid giving your children a play-by-play of every interaction, every word spoken, and every bit of gossip spread. Instead, keep your children informed on a need-to-know basis. Before you share information, make sure that it is pertinent to the lessons they are learning from your experience. If you sense that they are becoming preoccupied with your circumstances, back off a little. End every conversation about your situation on a high note by reminding them that God is faithful even when people are not and that nothing is too big for Him to handle. Share your personal victories, even if it’s only that God is helping you keep your mouth shut. Avoid discussing your problems on church days so that your children don’t begin to associate church with negative feelings.
- Be responsible. Don’t make excuses or blame your failure to rise to the occasion on others. Be a good steward with this chance to prove to your children that circumstances don’t control or define them; God does.
- Be confident. If you truly believe that Jesus has overcome the world, act like it. Let the truth of it take root in your heart, sprout, and grow until it lifts your head high before those who want to see you brought low. No matter what happens, remember that you are a child of the King with a rich inheritance waiting for you in Heaven—along with a crown if you endure faithfully. Don’t cower before the Enemy, but become the kind of fearless leader whose very presence calms the hearts of your children, inspires confidence in the God you serve, and gives them someone to emulate.
No one wants to be challenged, opposed, hurt, or betrayed by those whom they serve, but such occurrences provide parents in vocational ministry with a unique opportunity to demonstrate authentic faith and Christ-likeness before their children, a chance to prove that what they say they believe about God and the Bible is not only true, but relevant and useful. Don’t let embarrassment, wounded pride, anger, confusion, disillusionment, etc. rob you of this precious opportunity should it arise.
My husband Todd now continues his ministry at the denominational level. For the first time in twenty years, we are members of a church that he does not work for. If my children bore the Church a grudge or harbored bitterness in their hearts over what their parents experienced, this would be the perfect opportunity for them to bail, call time out, or rebel against the Church and the God Who called their family into service, but that hasn’t happened.
Instead, our fifteen-year-old daughter is a leader in her youth group, a friend to the outsider and a dauntless supporter of her youth minister and his team. Our nineteen-year-old son is a freshman at a Oklahoma Baptist University where he is studying to become a pastor and future church planter. We do not take credit for these things, but rather praise God for His faithfulness in sending ministry veterans to guide our steps during the darkest days of an otherwise happy and rewarding ministry career.
If we’ve learned one thing, it’s this: When we are weak, He is strong.
by Angela Sanders | May 4, 2015
It’s been seven years since my husband Todd was a youth minister on local church staff, and, to be completely candid, it has taken me almost that long to look forward to summer each year the way other people do. Don’t get me wrong! Camps and mission trips and fellowships are fun—lots of fun—in moderation, but what most adults look back on with fond memories and a light heart can weigh heavy on those responsible for making those memories happen, especially when events stack up, one on top of another on top of another on top of another, for an extended period of time. One summer, Todd was only home for twelve days!
Physical exhaustion, emotional and spiritual fatigue, and excessive time away from one another often rob youth ministers and their families of the joy they would otherwise feel in serving the Church, the very thing they are most passionate about. Sad, isn’t it?
The good news is there are some very practical things that you can do to make this summer a little easier on your youth minister and his family. As those in the habit of ministering to others often have trouble communicating their needs and asking for help, please allow me.
Make yourself available. It’s one thing to say “let us know if you need anything” and another entirely to offer your name and phone number, a list of things that you are willing and able to do, and/or a list of dates that you are available to help. If you truly want to get a call, do the latter.
Offer words of encouragement and thanks. You don’t have to know what all your youth minister does to be glad he does it, and you don’t have to know how his family is feeling to appreciate their sacrifice. Don’t assume they know how you feel; tell them! Spoken words are nice, but written words are better because we can read them to our children and reread them when we are feeling lonely or overwhelmed.
Hold down the fort. The last things that your youth minister needs to worry about when he gets home to his wife and kids after extended time away are tall grass and a messy office, but those are usually the first things to greet him. Ease his mind by taking care of these relentless demands on precious family time. You could also water the flowers, deposit paychecks, mail bills, take care of pets, etc. when the whole family is gone or provide meals and laundry service for his wife when she or both of them get home from being gone.
Treat them like family. What do you do when you know a family member needs a little extra love and support? You spend time with them and include them in your plans when possible. You make and take meals, text and call, give space if needed, and forgive mistakes made under stress. Do the same for these members of your church family.
Give your youth minister’s kids something to look forward to. Time passes slowly for little ones, especially when Daddy has already been gone for two or three weeks, but family budgets often don’t allow for regular outings, leaving Mommy at home for days on end with no tricks left up her sleeve. You can help by providing season passes to nearby attractions, activity bags for the kids, gift cards to fun lunch spots, money for gas, treats or prizes for the kids on Sunday after a week of being good for Mommy, etc.
Give Mommy time alone. A mom given rest is a mom at her best! Get a copy of your youth minister’s summer schedule and offer to watch the kids for a few hours for his wife when he is gone. Keep in mind that days in the middle of a long absence are particularly rough. Again, don’t say, “Let me know if you want me to watch the kids.” Say, “I’d like to watch the kids for you on this day if you’ll let me.”
Give Mommy and Daddy time alone. The first thing your youth minister and his wife want when he gets home is family time. The second thing they want is couple time, and it’s vital that they get it for the health of their marriage, their family, their ministry, the youth group, and the church. Offer to babysit for a few hours or overnight on the SECOND night that your youth minister is home from a trip. You may want to cooperate with another family and provide tickets/gift certificates for a night out or away.
Make sure your youth minister takes time off. A youth minister in motion tends to stay in motion. When summer is in full swing, make sure he takes time to rest between events. When summer is over, encourage him to take extended time off and leave town if that’s what it takes for him to let down completely. Your church might want to consider giving him some comp time to make up for all of those weekends he gave up during the summer, as rest and the promise of rest will only make him more productive.
Hold your criticism and complaints. Don’t give the Enemy a foothold. Unless you have serious and/or urgent ethical concerns about your youth minister’s behavior and/or decisions that he has made, save your complaints, criticisms, and suggestions until early fall. At that point, he will be rested, ready to reflect on the summer, and much more open to suggestions for next year, and you will have had time to pray, determine whether or not what you want to say actually needs to be said, and choose your words carefully. Don’t kick him when he’s down, and, whatever you do, never speak a criticism or complaint to his wife and ask her to pass it along!
Pray. Add your youth minister and his family to your daily prayer list, let them know that you are praying for them, and ask them if they have any specific prayer requests. If you follow through, they will feel it, and when you participate in their ministry this way, you will find yourself encouraged and blessed.
These days, Todd serves as Youth Education Specialist and Falls Creek Program Associate for the BGCO, and the kids and I spend our summers with him at Falls Creek. We’re in the thick of youth ministry now, but not the trenches, and I love the view. Oh, the Arbuckles are pretty and all with their tall trees and bubbling streams, but nothing is more beautiful than the sweet, selfless servanthood displayed by the youth ministers we get to spend time with. Folks, as Oklahoma Baptists, we are truly blessed. Let’s bless back!