by Angela Sanders | Feb 11, 2015
Love and forgiveness go hand in hand, a pretty picture as we approach Valentine’s Day. We Christians talk a lot about this happy couple, but I wonder sometimes whether we really know them or they are just acquaintances, contacts in our phones that surprise us when we scroll through, piercing our hearts with conviction for the split second it takes to scroll past.
Love and forgiveness are beyond us, you see, impossible to understand, to accept, or to live out without help, so we keep them at arm’s length, hope that Christmas and Easter visits will suffice, and pray that our indifference won’t offend the Father.
It does.
Knowing full well what He’s asking because He offers it Himself, the Father commands us to love and forgive one another freely. What’s more, He commands us to love and forgive our enemies, those who are unlikely to love and/or forgive us back.
How? Fortunately—and contrary to popular belief—love and forgiveness have little to do with emotion. Love is not affection, and forgiveness is not empathy. They are deliberate choices we make to represent Christ and what He’s done for us well in the way we interact with others. We don’t have to feel ready, enthusiastic, or even strong to love and forgive. All we have to do is put one foot, one word, one thought in front of the other as the Spirit leads and trust Him to bring results.
Not sure how to start? Here are three practical ways to express love and forgiveness to those around you today, both your friends and those who aren’t so friendly!
- Bite your tongue. No matter how strong the urge to do the Holy Spirit’s job for Him may be, resist it. Give up the chance to have the last word, to embarrass, to correct, to shame, or to win. You’ll find that the lasting peace that comes with extending grace and mercy in this way is far more satisfying than the temporary rush of pride that follows self-righteous behavior.
- Take the back seat. Treat others as if their convenience, contentment, and happiness are more important than your own. Think of yourself as caregiver rather than competitor to those around you. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by the spiritual insight that comes with adopting this perspective and begin to identify with your Savior in a whole new way.
- Say nice words. We can’t read each other’s minds, which can be both a good and bad thing. Words are necessary, especially when the potential for misunderstanding is present. Regardless of how you feel about a person, make a conscious effort to use your manners, offer sincere compliments, and encourage them as if they were your best friend. You’ll find that people often soften when spoken to nicely and that your own feelings can be changed by the kind words you speak.
Don’t be disappointed if those you choose to love and forgive don’t love and forgive you back. Remember, the choice to love and forgive is not about what you can get out of giving, but about obeying the Father, the One who loved and forgave you first. Represent Him well.
by Angela Sanders | Oct 20, 2014
More and more, people seem to be posting comments and links on social media that speak to the awesome power of God, His amazing ability to work in and through tragedy, and His faithfulness to open eyes, draw people closer, and teach us more about Himself in the midst of difficulty.
When I see these posts, half of me wants to weep and praise the Lord for Who He is and what He is doing. The other half wants to keep scrolling, ignore these posts like they don’t exist, and maintain the status quo of my uneventful, yet comfortable day.
It shames me to admit it. I should rejoice over these testimonies and the boldness with which my brothers and sisters in Christ share them, shouldn’t I? I should cry tears of joy, clap, and shout Jesus’ name. I should at least share or repost.
Why don’t I? Well, it’s complicated.
When I was little, I was confused by the story of Jesus casting the demons out of the crazy man into the pigs (Luke 8), not confused by Jesus’ actions, but by the response of the townspeople. They weren’t happy. They didn’t throw a party like I thought they should have. They didn’t even high-five Jesus or give Him a hug. Instead, they asked Him to leave.
I didn’t get it. Couldn’t the people see that in doing what He did, Jesus had shown love and compassion and proven that He was more powerful than the devil? Couldn’t they see that Jesus had the power to change their lives as well?
Reading the story now, I think they did see, and that was just it. They understood that Jesus had the power to turn their entire world upside down for God’s glory with a single word if He chose to, and that terrified them.
I can relate. You see, I’ve seen God’s children suffer that He might demonstrate His power to sustain and to heal, and I’ve heard stories of the sacrifice He has required of others that the Gospel might be spread. Although I’ve yet to experience any of these things myself, the very thought makes my skin crawl.
What if, after performing a miracle in someone else’s life, Jesus should turn around and make eye contact with me? What if He chooses to call my name next and make a spectacle of me for His glory? What if God passes me a cup full of something I don’t want to drink?
He can, you know. It’s well within His rights to do with me anything He wishes, anything that serves the purpose of His will, and if I truly love Him like I say I do, I’ll choose to be okay with it and allow God to work in and through me and my circumstances to glorify Himself as so many of my faithful brothers and sisters have done.
As they have, I’ll rely on His sufficient grace. I’ll rest in the peace that He gives. I’ll have faith because He is God and has promised never to leave me or forsake me. Would I really have a choice?
To know the Lord is to fear Him, not because He doesn’t love. He does. Not because He doesn’t rescue. He has. Not because He isn’t working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He is. Personally, I fear the Lord because the purpose of His will is His own glory above all else, and rightly so. He is God, after all. I fear Him because He can and will bring His glory about one way or another. We have His Word on it.
by Angela Sanders | Sep 23, 2014
If you grew up in church world, then you have been cautioned against “missionary dating,” getting romantically involved with a non-Christian in order to win them to Christ. One of my freshman Sunday school girls startled me one morning by laughing, “You’ve gotta flirt to convert, Angela!”
I sincerely hope she wasn’t serious! She says she wasn’t.
The risks involved in missionary dating should be pretty obvious to Christians and non-Christians alike. When you date someone, you let your guard down to a certain degree so they can get to know you and form an emotional attachment. Missionary dating assumes that this attachment, once formed, will be strong enough to pull the non-Christian into the light and spiritual safety.
The problem is that once you let your guard down, you stand just as great a chance of being pulled into the darkness as your non-Christian love interest does of being pulled into the light, maybe more. You see, although all of us who have given our lives to Jesus Christ have His Spirit within us, we will continue to struggle against our pesky sin nature until we get to Heaven. We still make mistakes, big ones sometimes, that slow our progress, stir doubt, heap guilt, and render us generally useless to the Kingdom until we come to terms with God’s grace and mercy all over again.
Non-Christians face no such struggle, having never been filled with the Spirit, and are content to live in darkness (John 3:19-20). Because they aren’t concerned with saving our souls for eternity, they aren’t as willing to bend and give as we are, and it’s fairly easy for someone with their feet firmly planted to pull someone who is bending and stretching off balance.
Followers of Christ, we must be careful! We cannot lose our salvation, but we can definitely lose our salt.
I get an icky feeling when I scroll through social media these days, much as I would feel if I were to see one of my Sunday school girls—or my own daughter—step out with someone who is obviously not pursuing Christ, but, instead, in love with the world. It seems to me that many Christians with good intentions, evangelistic intentions, in their sincere efforts to rescue the perishing as we’ve been commanded to do (2 Corinthians 5:18), have unintentionally let their guard down and are slowly being pulled into the shadows. In trying to relate to those they hope to rescue, they’ve formed an emotional attachment that is skewing their thinking and putting them in harm’s way.
I know how this happens. I’ve been tempted myself. You pray and pray for those whom God lays on your heart and then look for that “divine appointment” that you’ve heard so much about. Impatient, you jump too early instead of waiting on the Lord and letting Him give you the opportunity and the words. Eager, you grab at any and every common thread, venture out on any limb, no matter how shaky, that looks like it might give you a vantage point from which to pull them up and over.
There’s nothing quite like the euphoria that a Christian in rescue mode feels when a non-Christian takes hold, shows an interest, asks questions, or—thrill of all thrills—agrees with you and wants to hear more. It’s powerful. So powerful, in fact, that you’ll do almost anything to keep that connection. When they resist, pull back, or show hesitancy—something that inevitably happens when you speak the Truth to someone who isn’t living by it—instead of recognizing that resistance for the inevitable tension of spiritual battle that it is, you assume that you’ve done something wrong.
You look inward to see where you can bend, stretch, compromise, maybe give up a little protective margin. This often happens on an unconscious level. On a conscious level, you justify by telling yourself that you are simply being all things to all people (1 Corinthians 9:22).
You float your new stance, and it works. Your intended is comfortable once again. Relieved, you don’t even notice that your position has shifted, that you are a few steps closer to evangelistic impotence. Softening your words, side-stepping big issues, mocking your brothers and sisters for their caution and prudence, you tickle the ears of your intended, caring more about what they think than what God thinks, more about how they feel than preserving unity in the Body (Ephesians 4:3).
They respond, so you keep stepping.
They laugh. They clap. They quote you. They post a link to your blog. They celebrate without knowing why.
I know why.
They’ve won you, beloved, and you have lost your salt.
by Angela Sanders | Sep 8, 2014
A few weeks ago, Dr. Whitlock, President of Oklahoma Baptist University, told the parents of the incoming freshman class that the task of parenting wouldn’t be complete until they went to see Jesus, an overwhelming thought to those of us sitting in the stands.
I have to admit that I panicked just a little. Then I remembered that all things are possible with God, even Parenting Short List rule #8.
- Finish strong.
As my husband Todd trained for his first half-marathon this past spring, I happened to notice just how similar parenting and long-distance running are. To finish strong in either one, you have to do the following.
The night before Todd’s race, we drove the route. It helped to see where the hills and valleys were and where the refreshment stands would be.
While there’s no way to anticipate every single hill and valley that you will experience as a parent, it does help to know where other parents have experienced challenges and set-backs as well as when you might expect to reach the light at the end of your current tunnel.
Todd spent the two months leading up to his race talking with veteran runners who not only warned him about, but told him how to handle blisters, dehydration, cramping, high temperatures, and humidity. This proved to be invaluable on the day of the race.
Likewise, much of the advice we got from seasoned Christian parents on everything from potty training to preparing our children to date has proven very helpful. In my opinion, it’s always better to get too much advice than not enough.
While I’m sure Todd would have liked to win the half-marathon, it would have been unrealistic for him to expect to do so his first time out. Instead, he focused on making his splits, taking care of his body, and enjoying his first half-marathon for the unique experience it was. In the end, he was content, pleased with his own performance, and more knowledgeable than he was before.
Resist the urge to compare your parenting race to anyone else’s. No two families are the same. Instead, focus on obeying the Lord, taking care of what God has given you, and enjoying the journey. You only run it once.
By the time Todd ran the half-marathon, he had already run many slightly shorter races. He’d never had trouble with dehydration until the day of the race. Humidity was high that morning. Thankfully, Todd had taken precautions and was able to continue even when his body thought about quitting.
Trust me, parenting can really take it out of you sometimes. If you aren’t being filled with the Living Water of Jesus Christ on a daily basis, you’re going to cramp up and give out.
At one point, I thought I might just join Todd in running that half-marathon. Then, I ran a few miles with him. He saw me struggling and said, “Focus on the steps. Be in the moment.” He knew that if I thought about how much it hurt, how tired I was, or how much longer I had to run before I was finished, I would quit.
Friend, if you haven’t felt that way as a parent yet, you will. So, let me encourage you ahead of time, “Focus on the steps. Be in the moment.” In other words, do what you know to do, lean on the Lord, and trust that your feet will keep falling where they are supposed to. If you happen to roll your ankle, step on a rock, or stumble off the path, things that happen to the most experienced runners, don’t give up. Steady yourself, refocus, and just pick up where you left off.
This concludes The Parenting Short List. I hope you’ve found it helpful. Remember that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). The world rests in His hands, not yours. You are going to mess up now and then, but you won’t mess up too badly as long as you are listening and learning from Him.
by Angela Sanders | Aug 26, 2014
You’re exhausted, the kids are pleading their case (pitiful faces and all), and suddenly, you can’t remember the reason that you and your spouse ever made the rule they’re protesting. It would be so much easier to give in than stand strong, wouldn’t it?
Tears would dry. Flushed cheeks would fade to a normal hue. Smiles would replace frowns. They might even applaud you, chant your name with glee.
What’s the harm? You’ll find out the next time you try to enforce a rule you’ve broken and super-glued back together. Rule #7 in The Parenting Short List is a must for anyone hoping to raise a child with a healthy respect for authority.
7. Stick to your guns!
It’s okay to change your mind, but it’s not okay to cave. To change your mind is to acknowledge that there is a better way to achieve a predetermined goal; to cave is to go against your better judgment to appease someone else and make things easy on yourself.
Here are a few tips to help you stand your ground when push comes to shove, whine turns to scream, or arm crossing turns into door slamming:
- Keep the end goal in sight. Remember that you are not parenting for today or even for tomorrow, but for the day that your child is out on his or her own making independent decisions that will either promote or hinder the Gospel.
- Make decisions and establish rules that fall in line with the Truth of God’s Word. You may not find specific answers to every question you have in Scripture, but you will find governing principles to help you set guidelines and establish boundaries. For instance, the Bible doesn’t say whether or not to let your child eat sugar, but it does say that self-control is important and that we are to be good stewards with what we’ve been given. Depending on how sugar affects your child, you may find the answer to your sugar question in one of these two principles alone. (Note: Our family eats sugar for breakfast! This is just an example.)
- Think before you speak. Don’t make rules just to make them, and when you do make rules, base them on overarching principles rather than minute details. “Respect one another” is a much better rule than “Don’t tell people they look silly,” and it allows room for interpretation and broad application. After all, sometimes telling a sibling they look funny is merciful and spares them embarrassment later.
- Collaborate with your teammates. Whether you are married or single, you are not in this parenting thing alone. Even if you don’t have the help of a spouse, parents, in-laws, or siblings, you have God. Lean on your team. Listen to them. Ask their advice, but understand that God is the coach. He calls the shots, and you do what He says. Cooperation on this point will minimize confusion, competition, and inconsistency.
- Refuse to argue. Listen to your child and their ideas—they might be right—but only do so when they are calm and able to express themselves in a controlled manner.
- Don’t offer false hope. Only say “we’ll see” and the like when you are seriously considering changing your mind. Words like these only delay confrontation and drag conflict out. If you mean “no,” say “no” and move on.
- Follow through. When your child disobeys or breaks a rule, punish them appropriately. Kids need to understand that there are consequences for every decision they make, good and bad. If they never feel the sting of correction, they will never develop self-control or master the art of establishing healthy boundaries for themselves.
If and when you do change your mind from time to time, explain how you arrived at your decision for your own sake. To the degree that they are able, help your child see the wisdom in your thinking so they don’t come away feeling they have somehow “won.” The last thing you want to do is give your child the impression that they are in charge, that Truth is relative, or that convenience trumps conviction. Such beliefs are the stuff that spiritual brats are made of, and you definitely don’t want to raise one of those!
Next time, we’ll find out what parents and marathon runners have in common.