The grass is never greener (single edition)
In April, I will have been divorced for 5 years. Before that I was married for 5 years. I say that as a reference to you before you read any further. I don’t claim to know much of anything about having a successful relationship or tips on how to make a marriage work. However, as I said, I have lived half my adult life married and the other half single. So I have perspective on both. I’ve reached through the fence a few different times, thinking the grass was greener and turns out it’s not.
Here are my thoughts on this dilemma to us single folks….
Whether you’ve been married before or not….whether you are in a “serious” relationship or not, God does care about you. As much as we may think this entire world is created for those happily married folks prancing around holding hands and making-out in front of us, God actually did create this world for single people too.
I know, I know. Married people seem to have all the perks. They’ve got the built in cuddle buddy, the partner to go to the movies with, the encourager waiting for them at home after a tough day and the cook when you’re broke and hungry (not to mention the lover).
But here is the reality from where I see it, and I am not saying this is good or bad, just that it seems to be the reality. Most married people, if they were honest, would say they often think about what life would be like if they were single. They have the same “grass is always greener” thoughts about being single that you have on being married.
Single people want to be married and married folks want to be single.
So how do we overcome this longing we feel, the hurt it carries with it and the jealously that teems inside?
For me it comes down to two things. Gratitude and Contentment. Finding one, if not both of these characteristics in every aspect of our life as a “single” person, can give you a freedom and purpose for this season of your life.
Simple in theory. Excruciatingly difficulty to dwell on in reality. But here are some verses I’ve found that may help you really grab on to the truth that God does have a plan for this single season you have found yourself in.
Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity. Philippians 4:11-12
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
A tranquil heart is life to the body, But passion is rottenness to the bones. Proverbs 14:30
So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you, He’ll promote you at the right time. 1 Peter 5:6-7
If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment. Job 36:11
But godliness with contentment is great gain. Psalm 68:3
Being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” Hebrews 13:5
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Hold on to these verses on the days where all you want is to have the “perfect” marriage and family that your neighbor has or when you are at the next wedding longing to know when that day will come for you. Grab on to some gratitude and thank God that you have the freedom that being single provides for you today. I can assure you that if you are following God’s will for your life, the freedom you have been given is specifically in place for you to accomplish something great, to learn something new about life, to grow up, to mature in your decision making, to gain more perspective or maybe to discover something you never knew about yourself.
Look, I know being single sucks. I get it. Trust me, I really do. But I can tell you with 100% confidence that I am single right now for a reason. God is not surprised by it and He will not let it go to waste. But I have to trust Him; my faith at times has to exponentially grow. As I do this and walk through season after season without a partner I become more and more content that God is in charge and I am not. And that feels good.
I’ve had my stint running my life and I didn’t do so well. So for now, I am striving for contentment and gratitude in my singleness. Purposely taking action to control my contentment, live in gratitude and preparing myself for the next season of life. One I hope comes with a smoking hot wife….