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10 Tips For Becoming A Bad Church Member

10 Tips For Becoming A Bad Church Member

  1. Be sporadic and irregular in your attendance on Sundays.
  2. Just show up. Don’t serve or volunteer. Don’t make any sacrifices of your time, talent and treasure.
  3. Refuse to get involved in a Community Group (small group, life group, etc). Put the burden of building relationships on everyone else.
  4. Place unrealistic expectations on the pastor and his wife. Pretend as if you are the only person attending the church.
  5. Never bring friends or non-Christians to a Sunday morning gathering.
  6. Never open up or communicate with the leadership of the church on areas of disagreement or frustration. Bottle it all up and continue to grow in your irritation towards the leadership.
  7. Do the extreme opposite of #6. Nitpick every decision made and every direction taken. Whenever you have a minor disagreement or different opinion, make it a deal-breaker and blow it out of proportion.
  8. Talk negatively about the leadership of the church behind their back. Tell your frustrations to as many people as possible without letting them hear any of it.
  9. Don’t do what the Bible says. Ever. When the church tries to call you to repentance for specific areas of sin, blow it off and stop showing up.
  10. Leave the church when your personal agenda(s) or hobby-horses aren’t pursued by the pastor. When you do leave, be sure to not tell anyone. If asked why you left, say something like, “God called me to go to ___________(new church name here)”.
Church Hopping

Church Hopping

College is the time when young people emerge from the protective realm of their parents’ authority and venture into their own lives, lives which are affected by their own decisions. For many, this is an intensely freeing sensation, but it is also a fairly daunting one in some respects.

As a Christian, one of the hardest things about coming to college was leaving my home church. I had attended the same church since the time I was four years old. When I started school in a new city, I hadn’t really put much thought into where I would attend church while at college.

At first, it seemed like such an intimidating task. I was trying to find the place where I would receive a significant amount of my spiritual nourishment. I had to make sure it was perfect. I had to make sure the preacher was preaching solid doctrine, that the people were sincere, that Jesus was really acknowledged as King. The last thing I wanted was to settle in a church that didn’t speak truth. But I was no theologian. What qualified me to know what made a good church versus a bad church? I felt woefully ill-prepared, so I was intensely paranoid at the beginning of my “church hopping” experience. But, the longer my search lasted, the more comfortable with the task I became. The challenge, in and of itself, was bringing me closer to God.

When I walked into a new church, I wouldn’t know anybody there. I was a total stranger in that place. But for some miraculous reason, I never felt like I was visiting a church on my own. I always felt like it was me and the Holy Spirit exploring the place together. I would have this feeling of, “Okay God, it’s just you and me.” I felt urged to test these churches against what I knew to be true from Scripture. I admit, I don’t always think about consulting the Holy Spirit when I make a decision (something I should probably work on), but in this case specifically, it was an adventure to go through this experience with my God by my side, making the decisions together.

For the first time in my life, I was having to define the qualities in a church that really mattered to me. Every church I visited was a little different, and I learned something new about myself at each one. I learned what style of teaching really speaks to me. I learned what kind of atmosphere of worship helps me better approach the throne of grace. I learned that I disliked it when I could slip in and out of a church without being noticed, but that I loved it when people reached out and made an effort to know me.

I eventually found a church that satisfied each of these desires in my heart, and the time I spent searching for my church home was an intense blessing to my soul.