by Angela Sanders | Jun 8, 2017
Tip #5: Don’t paint yourself the heroine. In God, we live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). Without Him there is no story at all, so it’s only right that He should get top billing in every relationship in our lives, first and last consideration in every decision we make within and regarding those relationships, and receive all glory, or credit, for anything that goes well between us and other people.
Of course, this thinking runs contrary to the message the entertainment world sends. Romantic comedies and dramas, novels, songs, TV shows, blogs, etc. they tell us ladies we’re the stars of our own movies, the heroines of our own stories, the princesses of our own kingdoms. They tell us we deserve to be spoiled, pampered, and served.
Oh, I guess it’s true to some extent. Some women—precious few—are actually princesses by birth, and if you have accepted God’s forgiveness for sin made possible through Jesus Christ and so been adopted into God’s family, you are a daughter of the King of Kings, a princess by faith.
Even so, life isn’t fiction. In real life, we’re all just supporting characters in God’s story, and even if you are His child, the Kingdom you’re living in by His grace alone is not yours. It’s His. While you deserve to be treated fairly, you don’t deserve to be spoiled, pampered, or served.
No one does.
Truth? You should only look to receive from any relationship as much as you give to it, and the only One worthy of worship is God.
Now, don’t misunderstand me. Being female is cool in a lot of ways, but it’s no more special than being male and no more qualifies women for exaltation than being male qualifies men for the same.
Men and women were both created in God’s image, equals charged with glorifying God, or holding Him up for the admiration of others, through mutual edification and cooperation by the power of the Holy Spirit. Any upset in that relational balance poses a threat to the success of our shared mission by toppling God off His rightful throne in our lives and replacing Him with someone far less deserving.
That said, by biblical standards, there are some things you do deserve and should expect from someone you’re thinking about spending your life with.
Here are just a few:
- You deserve to be treated with respect if for no other reason than the fact you were created by God in His image. You are a walking, breathing reflection of His glory.
- You deserve the right to choose if for no other reason than the fact God Himself bestowed you with free will. Of course, we are all subject to the authority God places over us, but boyfriends are not authority figures!
Let me say that again.
Boyfriends are not authority figures! If/when you marry the man you’re dating, he will assume the role of husband to you, a role that comes with a certain level of increased responsibility to God for your little family and deserves your cooperation and deference as he submits to the Lord, but until he becomes your husband, your boyfriend doesn’t get to call any shots. A boyfriend who insists on having the final say in decisions that are yours alone to make is overstepping and out of line.
While we’re on the subject, let me add that no one has the right to make choices that compromise your person, jeopardize your safety, or damage your mental, physical, spiritual, or emotional health and well-being. No one.
- You should expect to be loved, not necessarily romantically—that may or may not develop—but as a friend. At the very least, the man you’re dating should extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness to you—and everyone else—as needed and without hesitation, just as God extends those things to all of us through Jesus. If he truly loves Jesus, he will.
- You should expect to be encouraged in your pursuit of God. Intimacy with God requires time, effort, and unconditional obedience on your part, no matter whom it costs. The man you’re dating should willingly take a back seat to the One Whom you are both called to glorify. If he’s on the same spiritual trajectory as you, he’ll comply without argument.
If/when you discover the man you’re dating isn’t willing or is unable to give you these things, you should end the relationship. You can rest assured he is not the man God has for you. By the same token, if you aren’t willing or are unable to return these things to the man you’re dating, he should end the relationship. You are not the woman God has for him.
As far as the extras go, romantic gestures and tokens of affection, they’re nice, and if you feel you need them as per your love language, whatever that happens to be, it’s completely okay to express your desires within reason to the person you’re dating in a tactful way. It’s also okay to let their ability, willingness, and/or reluctance to satisfy those expressed desires figure into your decision making process where the future of your relationship is concerned.
However, understand that these extras aren’t yours by right. By biblical standards, you don’t deserve them, you shouldn’t expect them, and a man’s choice not to provide them is not an indication of poor character, but rather an indication that the two of you may not be well suited for marriage.
And that’s fine!
The goal of a dating relationship is not to see what hoops you can get your boyfriend to jump through, to satisfy your desire to feel needed or special, to create post-worthy experiences, or even to come out on the other side with a husband. As in everything else, it’s to glorify God, in this instance, by honoring Him in the way you interact with and serve one of His sons, who may or may not become your husband, and by submitting to His will as you explore and consider that possibility.
Remember, there may be two protagonists in your love story, but there’s only room for one hero. That’s God! Laying your own wants and goals aside, do whatever it takes to make sure He gets His happy ending.
Read Tip #1: Men Who Love Jesus
Read Tip #2: Realistic and Fair Expectations
Read Tip #3: Giving it Time
Read Tip #4: Honoring your future spouse (and his)
by Hannah Hanzel | Jun 7, 2017
You just wrapped up lunch with your girlfriends. Your lipstick’s worn off from chatting and your mascara’s going to need reapplication from laughing so hard you cried. That’s when you realize that something else is worn out – your spirit. No amount of cosmetics will cover up how bruised and hurt your spirit is.
All throughout the meal you patted it on the head, consoling it by justifying your gossip. Then it quickly turned to hatefully ignoring the conviction it provided as you laughed with friends at the cost of an absent one. Before you know it, you’ve gone too far and altogether abandoned any feeling of guilt for your hateful discussion.
It’s not until you’re back in your car that you realize what you said and did. You’re deep in the gully of gossip. It’s gunk and mud are cloaked over your spirit. I know exactly how this feels.
My name is Hannah, and I’m a habitual gossiper. This is our gossip support group. It’s filled with different kinds of gossipers. Some are intent on hurting others, and some are small-white-lying gossipers. Whatever degree of gossiping you’re wrapped up in, these five points will help bring you into a place of recovery:
- Button Up. As my mama used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” If you are in the middle of a conversation where people are being talked about negatively, it’s best to just say nothing. Even if you have the juiciest bit of addition to their gripings, hold it in. Proverbs 17:28 says that even fools are thought to be wise if they hold their tongues. Run out of the room if need be!
- Look Up. Ask God how to wisely articulate words and escape this temptation. He’s right there with you in that conversation. He’s hearing every word said. Luke 22 shows Christ advising his disciples to pray they will not be tempted. Pray against gossip and ask God to speak through you. Will you choose to look up to Him and speak in an honorable way?
- Look In. Your friends are verbally tearing this person apart. Your natural reaction is to join in. What your friends dislike, you should dislike, right? But just for a moment, ask yourself what you really think about this person. Do you even know their struggles? Their reasoning? Their home life? Ephesians 4:29 says our speech must build others up according to their needs. Look in, dear sisters, and you might actually find you are called to serve this person.
- Keep In. Galatians 5 states in several verses how we must keep in step with the Spirit. Your Spirit of God and your spirit of flesh are in constant war with each other. Which will you keep in step with when it comes to your conversations?
- Keep Up. “As nail file sharpens nail file, so one gal sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17 (TLPHV- The Loosely Paraphrased Hannah Version). Who are you spending the most time with? Are they Christ followers, striving to honor God in their speech? If they are, you’ll fight to keep up. Make godly friends who make you want to keep up with them in their walk with God.
There you have it! Five ways to escaping the gossip gully! You may come out dirty, bruised or alone, but rest assured, the view is much better outside of the gully and on the Rock.
by Aaron Hanzel | Jun 1, 2017
The last king took his place in the court room. The truth is, the pride and legacy of eight generations of kinghood preceded his every step. All of the wisdom. All of the expectations. The contrast of both weighed heavily on his name. The name that demanded respect. The name that was hated as much as it was feared. The last king was a prodigy. His name meant swift-justice, social obligation, power and in several previous generations, madness. Throughout history his name was respected around the entire Roman world.
The name is Herod. King Herod Agrippa was all too familiar with his heritage, and he was to be the last. Perhaps he knew or even feared the eventual fate of his family’s name. Regardless, he sat down to fulfill his duties on that day – the day a man in chains was placed before him to plead his defense and innocence.
This accused man was different. He was a man of faith and a former Jewish zealot. King Agrippa was familiar with Jewish prophecy and the Scriptures. Not a scholar by any means, but he had been exposed to such religious laws and customs when issuing a verdict.
The court consisted of several people: King Agrippa, his mother Bernice, guards, the accused, and the accuser, Governor Festus. Depending on the time of day, this particular instance would be subject to the elements. The sun fresh in the sky or one that hung center over the land. Either way, the only sense of relief from its scorching rays would be the occasional refracted breeze gently passing through shadow and stone. Resting, only for a moment, pressed against skin then pursing on as if it had purpose and responsibility to continue its journey. It’s momentum passing around obstacles defending themselves against it, but mattered little to the wind’s design.
The last king decided that the time had come. King Agrippa spoke, “You have permission to speak for yourself.” The King listened as the accused made, what he thought would be, his defense of innocence. The man in chains spoke:
“I consider myself fortunate that it is before you, King Agrippa, I am going to make my defense today against all the accusations of the Jews, especially because you are familiar with all the customs and controversies of the Jews. Therefore, I beg you to listen to me patiently.
“My manner of life from my youth, spent from the beginning among my own nation and in Jerusalem, is known by all the Jews. They have known for a long time, if they are willing to testify, that according to the strictest party of our religion I have lived as a Pharisee. And now I stand here on trial because of my hope in the promise made by God to our fathers, to which our 12 tribes hope to attain, as they earnestly worship night and day. And for this hope I am accused by Jews, O king! Why is it thought incredible by any of you that God raises the dead?
“I myself was convinced that I ought to do many things in opposing the name of Jesus of Nazareth. And I did so in Jerusalem. I not only locked up many of the saints in prison after receiving authority from the chief priests, but when they were put to death I cast my vote against them. And I punished them often in all the synagogues and tried to make them blaspheme, and in raging fury against them I persecuted them even to foreign cities.
“In this connection I journeyed to Damascus with the authority and commission of the chief priests. At midday, O king, I saw on the way a light from heaven, brighter than the sun that shone around me and those who journeyed with me. And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew language, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ And I said, ‘Who are you, Lord?’ And the Lord said, ‘I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. But rise and stand upon your feet, for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you as a servant and witness to the things in which you have seen me and to those in which I will appear to you, delivering you from your people and from the Gentiles—to whom I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.’
“Therefore, O King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision, but declared first to those in Damascus, then in Jerusalem and throughout all the region of Judea, and also to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, performing deeds in keeping with their repentance. For this reason the Jews seized me in the temple and tried to kill me. To this day I have had the help that comes from God, and so I stand here testifying both to small and great, saying nothing but what the prophets and Moses said would come to pass: that the Christ must suffer and that, by being the first to rise from the dead, he would proclaim light both to our people and to the Gentiles.”
And as he was saying these things in his defense, Festus said with a loud voice, “Paul, you are out of your mind; your great learning is driving you out of your mind.”
But Paul said, “I am not out of my mind, most excellent Festus, but I am speaking true and rational words. For the king knows about these things, and to him I speak boldly. For I am persuaded that none of these things has escaped his notice, for this has not been done in a corner. King Agrippa, do you believe the prophets? I know that you believe.”
And Agrippa said to Paul, “In a short time would you persuade me to be a Christian?”
And Paul said, “Whether short or long, I would to God that not only you but also all who hear me this day might become such as I am—except for these chains.”
Then the king rose, and the governor and Bernice and those who were sitting with them. And when they had withdrawn, they said to one another, “This man is doing nothing to deserve death or imprisonment.” And Agrippa said to Festus, “This man could have been set free if he had not appealed to Caesar.”” (Acts 26:2-32).
Paul would continue this journey, all the while proclaiming the truth of the Gospel and the transformation he experienced. Neither of which required his defense but rather his offense.
Paul did not counterbalance argument with opinionated bullet points. He spoke with truth, in power and confidence. Allowing the Gospel to cut through opinion and biased judgement. The truth does not require anyone’s approval. It does not desire an arsenal of wisdom or knowledge, and it is not isolated to social status or age or gender. It does not require advanced maturity or fame or a strategy of defense. Despite obstacles and firm stance, the truth is offense. Every time. The truth is easily identified by its unwavering mission no matter who or what stands in the way.
The truth is more powerful than even a king’s lineage. It’s the purposeful power of a breeze. And the truth is not the defense but the offense that is the gospel.
Fast forward almost 2,000 years, and the Truth has not lost any of its attributes. Whether one chooses to listen or not, it doesn’t change what is at the core of the Gospel.
Just like Paul, we can share with the same strength and unwavering confidence. Completely at peace that being witnesses of the rebirth in Christ is not just personal but especially the very essence of truth.
by Wade Crews | May 31, 2017
As Christians today, we are challenged by a secular worldview that goes against almost everything we stand for. The truth is, we often find it very difficult to stand for what we claim to be true.
The world does not have the same definition for life that we do. Marriage, personhood, gender, truth, creation, eternal essence, even historical figures’ faith in God are all maligned and drastically twisted to meet the desires of those who want to live a life that is not described in Scripture as good, wholesome or holy.
So how do we walk in the midst of a fallen and broken world that would rather drag us down than have us help lift them up? First, I would suggest we walk in a way that is unashamed. Don’t allow the world to define who you are and who you are in Christ.
God’s definition of success is not the same as the world’s. There are too many places where God honors the lowly. Look at the widow and her tiny offering. See Jesus at a leper’s home. The lowly, the outcast, the hated were who Jesus spent time with. God is less concerned that you have the right car, live in the right house, wear the right watch and your kids go to the right school than He is with you living and walking the right way.
I would suggest one example for us lies deep in the Old Testament. It is no secret that life is hard, and how we face the world can make a huge difference in outcomes. In our journey through life, we need to realize there will be obstacles and challenges so overwhelming we need to listen to God and follow His direction.
Such was the case as Joshua and Israel after crossing the Jordan into the Promised Land faced the mighty city of Jericho. God gave them guidance and direction. Basically, it was “be who I called you to be, take Me with you and walk around the city.”
Notice God did not say “Throw rocks or rotten tomatoes at the city walls. Yell at them and tell them how bad they are. Walk with signs that read they are vile people and are going to hell, etc.” In Joshua 6, God actually said this, “You shall march around the city, all the men of war circling the city once. You shall do so for six days. Also seven priests shall carry seven trumpets of rams’ horns before the ark; then on the seventh day you shall march around the city seven times, and the priests shall blow the trumpets. It shall be that when they make a long blast with the ram’s horn, and when you hear the sound of the trumpet, all the people shall shout with a great shout; and the wall of the city will fall down flat, and the people will go up every man straight ahead” (Josh 6:3-5).
I know everyone doesn’t see things the way I do, and that’s probably not a bad thing, but is there a takeaway for us out of the history of Jericho? I think there is.
- The battle is already won! God is the victor and the provider of success.
- Be not ashamed. The Lord goes before you. “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you” (Deut. 31:6).
- Just walk around. That sounds simple, but look at what God had them do. He had them walk around the city with the Ark of the Covenant, maybe even with some banners, dressed in their uniforms and priestly garments, and even blowing the trumpets.
As we engage the world, we can’t be timid or try to appease them. We can’t join the world in their definition of success and fun.
We can’t worry about offending them by how we live or the way we do life in a manner that honors God. We need to understand the truth will always offend people who want to live a lie.
We need to understand that, more than anything, all we have to do is listen to God. We should walk around unashamed of who we are, knowing that God is not only with us but goes before us and is ready to tear down the walls that stand between us, and lives He uses us to impact.
Do we walk around our city unashamed of who we are in Christ? Are we strong and courageous, knowing God has gone before us? Are we ready to move when God tears down walls?
All we really have to do is be who we really are and walk around unashamed. Are you ready for God to tear down the walls in your life?
by Caleb Moore | May 30, 2017
I believe that a teenage girl became pregnant by a Spirit and gave birth to God in human form. As shocking and strange as it sounds to say it that way, this is the very story we celebrate at Christmas each year.
As a Christian, we believe many things that are seemingly unbelievable. I believe a man brought himself back to life, even though nobody else has ever done that. I believe Jesus turned one person’s small lunch into a meal for more than five thousand. I believe these things, even though I wasn’t there, and I have never seen anyone else do it.
Truth be told, Christians spend a lot of time talking about things that are very difficult to believe, but we spend very little time helping people overcome their doubt. I’m not talking about the doubt of unbelievers; I’m talking about the doubt of normal everyday Christians.
When I struggled with doubt, I was told I just had to have more faith. This is a good answer sometimes, but it is a bad answer if it is what you say every time. As a young man I got the feeling that the people who told me that just didn’t know how to deal with the tough questions. Telling me to just have more faith was their way of avoiding some of the real and difficult issues that trouble us when we are young in this faith.
In my search for answers, I delved into the world of apologetics. I learned over the years to trust the claims of Jesus and to trust the reliability of the Scriptures. Apologetics helped me a great deal, but it was not the cure-all for doubt that I had hoped it would be. My mistake was thinking that doubt was merely an intellectual dilemma, but it turns out that doubt is usually built upon an emotional foundation.
Take for example Fredrick Nietzsche. He was the philosopher famous for coining the phrase “God is dead.” Despite all his intellect and philosophical arguments, his younger sister recalled that at a young age he saw a pastor in the pulpit coldly delivering his sermons and he remarked, “Does that thing up there ever laugh or cry?” His sister argued, that it was this event that sent him on a path away from God. If this is true, then it was partly an emotional response, not a purely philosophical one, that directed his journey.
Gary Habermas is a Christian philosopher who has written a great deal on the subject of doubt. After struggling with doubt for many years, he has a lot to say on the subject that I find helpful. He points out that most of us think we are rational thinkers, but it is impossible to separate completely our emotions from the deep questions that we ask.
We can even ask factual questions about the Bible for very emotional reasons. Because we are both emotional and intellectual beings, we should give great care in asking about the person who is doubting and not simply try to plug in an answer for every question.
I think it is culturally evident in the way many churches have chosen to deal with doubt. Some have attempted to focus only on the love of God but ignore any verse that calls us to holiness. Others have attempted to teach theology until all doubt is dispersed. But because we are whole humans, we must learn to wrestle with the heart and the head at the same time.
I know many of you are struggling in secret. You struggle with how to love Jesus and love your gay neighbor without compromise. You struggle with the teachings on Hell and the loss of a loved one who wasn’t saved. Often times, these struggles lead us down a path of doubt. I don’t want to remove you entirely from the struggle because it is within that struggle that some of our greatest lessons can be learned.
What I do want to tell you is what I have found in Jesus is greater than any compromise I have attempted to make with my head or with my heart. The message of Jesus is the only thing able to bring the two together in harmony. I want to encourage you to seek out the root of your doubt. If it were an emotional experience that led you to where you are, then don’t be fooled by thinking it can be solved by simply learning more facts.
In one sense, we see Jesus struggle with apparent “emotional doubt” in the garden, before His death. So as you struggle, know that Jesus feels your pain. My prayer is that you choose to trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness over the temporary discomfort you currently feel. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You might be surprised to learn that many of the godly people you know have struggled with the same doubts as you.
I no longer struggle with the believability of God or the reality of a resurrected Jesus. My doubts now come from whether or not I have the time, talent or energy to love God the way He deserves. And of course, I know that I don’t know everything, so I trust that He will give me what I need when I need it. It’s a beautiful thing to Glory in God in the middle of our doubts.
by Ryan Smith | May 24, 2017
“Everybody wants to go to heaven,” the old saying goes, “but nobody wants to die.”
If you were to judge heaven based on cultural statements or assumptions, heaven is a glorious personal playground in the sky – the culmination of our individualistic wants and desires all fulfilled into perpetuity.
- I can golf all I want!
- Money? Ha! I can simply think stuff into being!
- I can fly!
- No more politics!
- No more calories!
- No more rainy days (unless you’re into that kind of thing…introverts).
Heaven will be our own personal paradise.
There are just a few problems with the aforementioned statements. While each of these ideas is grounded in the sure and steady foundation of cultural assumption, there is one small hurdle to overcome…
None of these statements are validated by the Bible.
The Bible paints a beautiful, almost unimaginable, portrait of heaven, but it admittedly does so with broad strokes. There is a lot we do not know about heaven, but there is a lot we do know.
One thing we know about heaven is that it is not an individualistic utopia. In fact, by the Bible’s description of heaven, there are many people who would likely hate it.
How do you know if you would hate heaven?
If you love being the center of your own world and desires, you are going to hate heaven.
Heaven is where God is and where He brings His church to dwell for eternity. Ultimately, if we truly love God, we will love heaven. But one diagnostic we can use to discern whether or not we will love heaven is to ask ourselves how we feel about God’s church in the here and now.
If you don’t love the church, you are going to hate heaven.
Why? Because the church will be there…all of it. And when you get tired of the people there, your kids aren’t entertained, or you just cannot sing one more chorus of ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’ (Rev. 4:8), there is nowhere else to go. There is no Second Church of Heaven.
Someone once said the church would be great if it wasn’t for the people. Everyone knows the church is full of hypocrites and they are all going to be there in heaven. Repentant? Yes. Forgiven? Yes. But really? Them?
The church is about Jesus. The community, the accountability, the structure, the authority, the forgiveness, the family – it is all from Jesus, by Jesus and for Jesus.
No one has been hurt by the church more than Jesus; yet He died for her.
He died for her that He would be glorified in welcoming her to an eternal dwelling. If you do not love the church or you do not love Jesus, you will not want to be in heaven.
Individualistic self-glory will not be a priority in heaven. It turns out the old saying holds more truth than it realizes. Following Christ requires death to self – now and in eternity. Our appetites, authority, autonomy, our will, all bowed down to the sovereignty of Christ. Sometimes this also means our preferences, social barriers, even the walls we build up so no one else can see into our hearts.
Everybody wants to go to heaven some day, but God has given us the opportunity to experience some of heaven on earth before we die. However, in true Jesus fashion, it is not the easy route, and it is not what you would expect.
Do you want to prepare for heaven? Start now by praying with other believers. Meet with other believers. Praise Jesus with other believers. Be identified with and accountable to a local church of believers.
Ultimately, we love the church because we love Jesus. Heaven is about Jesus. But in few ways are we more like Jesus than when we sacrificially love the church – now and in eternity.
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Col. 3:12-16).